I'm Giving You All Of Me
by letschangetheworld
Summary: Lily finally comes to terms with the fact that it’s always been her, as James has always known. Two-shot, Lily's and then James' perspective.
1. Lily

This is a two-shot, first one done in Lily's perspective and the second one in James'. The second chapter will probably be the T-rated portion. Constructive criticism is welcomed. Review?

I don't anything. But thank you JK Rowling, for creating all of this and allowing us to exploit it in our own ways. While giving you cred, of course.

* * *

He's a pretty boy. He's always been a pretty boy. He's spoiled, he has faithful friends, he's popular on a Godly level, he's charming and funny and he's fantastic at Quidditch. He's never _failed _at anything.

Girls giggled whenever he happened to look at them for longer than 2.3 seconds. The lucky ones who ended up dating him, however short a period that may be, ended up hysterical in the Hospital Wing claiming that honestly, James Potter had been manipulated by someone into dumping them.

Oddly enough, even though he's gone through multiple girls, possibly women as I wouldn't really put it past him, he's been impassive towards them. Sure, they entertained him for a week.

In more than one way, I've heard from secret yet reliable sources.

But after a week or so, depending on how completely attached the girl is to James, he'd let them loose. Easily. As if they meant nothing to him, which he is quickly adamant about.

They had meant something, but not _that _something.

I hear footsteps behind me, which is weird because it's nearly midnight on a Wednesday, the middle of the week and only lunatics and seventeen year olds by the name of Lily Evans would be walking around aimlessly.

"Hey, Lily? Lily? LILY!"

I whirl around to find the object of my troubles, my mindless thoughts, striding down the hallway towards me. He's in a simple white t-shirt and red and blue striped _boxers_. It's January 14th and he's sleeping in boxers and I'm wrapped up twice round with a heavy blanket to add to my flannel pajama pants and long sleeve shirt.

We're total opposites. Completely different sides of the spectrum.

I like to get up early weekday mornings, go for a run, come back and finish up any homework I fell asleep doing the previous night, shower, get ready and get down to the Great Hall with forty minutes still to spare.

I sit in the front and if the professor needs a volunteer, my hand is the first in the air. I tend to enjoy Quidditch games only because I like to see Gryffindor win and we tend to do it a lot.

That's really all there is to me. I'm pretty simple. Plain, even.

James likes to sleep in to the point where his friend Remus Lupin has to run back up from the Great Hall to fetch him, bringing along some food so James doesn't have to take the extra journey. He makes it to class on time mostly, unless there was a celebratory Quidditch party the previous night and then you won't see him until after lunch.

On rare occasions he'll come to class looking completely disheveled which means he didn't have time to _shower_. But somehow, someway, he still manages to get fantastic marks. He's beating me in Transfiguration which frustrates me to no end because he doesn't even take the freakin' notes down and yet can transfigure a rabbit into a engagement ring with his eyes closed.

He sits in the back with Remus and his other friends, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew, the former being probably the most annoying boy I know. The only one of the four to pay attention is Remus.

And Quidditch, boy does he love that sport. It's his little baby, his broom. He practices and he practices and he practices and I'm quite positive he'll die one day from absolute exhaustion. I wish he'd put as much effort into his Head Boy duties as he does in his Quidditch Captain duties.

"Earth to Lily, do you plan on coming back to reality anytime soon?"

I break out of my stupor to find James standing in front of me, arms folded over his chest and eyebrows raised high. He's got this surveying expression on his face, mixed with something I suspect is _concern_?

"Sorry." Have to make this quick, I have more thinking to do and only have six hours to do it in. "What do you want?"

James sputters incoherently at me. "Do you even know what TIME it is?"

He wants to know the time? I thought he had a watch. "Well, it's 12:03. Do you have somewhere specific to be? Perhaps a late night Head's meeting?" I ask him, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You're still pissed about that?" James scratches the back of his neck bashfully. "I said I was sorry.. it was just Quidditch, you know how we won semis and we need - "

"Spare me," I drone, adjusting my blanket tighter around my shoulders which nearly cuts off circulation in my neck. Honest to goodness, it is FREEZING in this castle. "I don't want to hear it. Just remember you're Head Boy and there are more things than _Quidditch_, okay?"

I turn away and start down the hallway, my destination unknown as of this moment. But James doesn't give up and is suddenly beside me. Doesn't he have some girl to be sexing up?

"What are you doing?"

"Well, you look lonely. And in need of a friend."

Oh, we're friends? He considers us friends? This is a good thing, my heart tells me. My brain wants to whack it silly.

I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. "I look lonely? What?"

"Yeah." He shrugs, swinging his arms childishly at his side as he walks. I'm tempted to grab both of them and stop him. "What are you even doing out of bed at this hour? We have classes tomorrow."

"Oh?" I laugh. "Since when did you pay attention to the fact that we have classes in the morning?"

A truly dirty look is sent my way and I snicker again. We continue to walk together but I don't know why I haven't told him to bugger off yet.

It's fairly universal knowledge that despite the girls he's charmed into dates, James has had a, let's say, _thing _for me. The reason is foggy and he refuses to say why. I think I know though. Like I've mentioned, he's never really failed at anything specifically. But he's failing at getting me into his arms because I've forever seen him as an annoying, arrogant son of a bitch who only thinks about himself and is only interested in girls, food, Quidditch and pranking Syltherins.

Why, you ask, am I stuck thinking about him? Because as much as I truly hate to admit it, he's changed. You didn't hear it from me.

"You know," James begins, a little awkwardly which is terribly uncharacteristic of him. "I know there are more things than Quidditch."

I hadn't been aware he had actually listened to me. "I wasn't being entirely serious, James." I arch an eyebrow, glancing at him weirdly.

He's staring ahead through the glasses perched on his nose. _Four Eyes Flirt_, I remember calling him in fourth year, a nickname I used around my friends when referring to him.

"It doesn't matter if you were being witty," James replies, still looking ahead. "But I know you think it."

"How do you know what I think?"

"Because I know you more than you know."

"Creep," I mutter, which makes him smile a little but still not in my direction. "Forget I ever said it, clearly Head duties is not your favorite thing to do."

He shrugs offhandedly as we near a corner and turn together. "Maybe not, but I'll still participate. And I'm sorry sometimes it seems I dump my duties on you.. I don't mean to. I didn't exactly ask for this."

"I know." He's remarkably apologetic and serene tonight. I'm uncomfortable with this new James. "Why.. why don't you go back?"

"Because."

Unexpectedly, he grabs my hand and tugs me towards a nearby wall. I barely squeak out in protest when suddenly he's pulled me _through _the wall. We come out in a familiar hallway, one I know leads right to the kitchens.

"Hungry?" I manage to ask, trying to get myself not to have a cardiac arrest.

"A little, you?" James smiles at me and releases my hand, walking casually off towards the portrait. I glance behind myself at the wall we just came stumbling through before I dash after him.

In mere minutes, I find myself devouring a slice of moist chocolate cake that I swear is an actual chunk of heaven. James has a bowl with a ridiculous amount of strawberry ice cream in it. We're both perched on stools in the middle of the kitchen, elbows resting on the island. Every so often I glance at him, watching him pause while eating and glance around at the house elves.

He only likes me because it's taking him more energy than ever before to try and win me over. Any other girl and I'd probably already be in his bed.

I wish he didn't like me. I wish I didn't like him. I'm so hopeless.

"So." I lamely try to instigate conversation. "How was the practice anyways? I'd at least like to know it went good so I don't feel so bad about being ditched." I try to smile at him but he's gazing away from me, once again.

After another moment of silence, James sighs and looks across the island at me finally.

"What turns you off about me?"

Well. I wasn't expecting that. My fork stops midair and I close my mouth, raising my eyes to his.

"I mean, I get that I was one arrogant... well, one arrogant guy. But now, nowadays, what turns you off about me? Because I can't DO this anymore." He puts his spoon down, looking steadily across at me. "Just tell me."

"I, uh.." I trail off, at an odd loss for words as I stare back.

James runs a hand through his chaotic ebony black hair. "You get that all those girls before haven't meant a thing, right?" He asks me, and I frown.

"Well, they meant something. But like I've said before, Lily, they haven't meant _that _something. They haven't been that something. That some_body_. Why don't you just put me out of my goddamn misery and tell me what's so bad about me?"

"What's so good about me?" I find myself shooting back, my face involuntarily heating up while James blinks in surprise at my comeback.

"Because," he begins slowly, "you're so different. You stand up for people, no matter who they are or what they've done to you. You're way more interested in your future than what color you should paint your toenails. You care about your friends and you've always got their backs. You understand people. You're kind and generous and you never cease to amaze your peers or your professors or _me_."

I can feel my eyes widening and I know James has noticed, but he carries on.

"Not to mention you're beautiful," he lowers his voice, "and you've got the most expressive eyes I've ever seen. They're so bright when you're happy or excited and when you're pissed off, it's like there's this little fire burning right behind your eyes that reflects out on the world. You're feisty in general, you don't take no for an answer and if you see something wrong, you don't stand with the crowd and watch it."

His voice trails off in the kitchen. I don't think I can breathe or function or move a single molecule. Why on earth did he have to go and do that?

We're quiet for some time, staring at each other. I'm quiet for too long because James suddenly lets out a laugh, one that holds disbelief.

No. No, no no no.

"I guess I have my answer." He pushes his bowl of ice cream away from him and it's instantly swept off the counter by a house elf. James hops off the stool, glancing back at me.

I have to do something, I can't just let him walk away after something like that. I need to get up. Let go of the fork, Lily. Get to your feet. Run to him. He's walking away, his back is to you, shout his name!

He's right there, Lily! The boy who has forever had a crush on you is walking away from you, the girl who suddenly has a similiar crush on him. Move! Get up! Open your mouth!

But for some reason I let him walk right out the portrait, out of my sight. I don't know why. I thought I was ready for this. I thought I was ready to spill my soul, spill my entire heart out to him.

I thought I was ready.


	2. James

Okay, second part. Language, by the way. Nothing is mine. Please review, I'd love to hear what you have to say.

* * *

It's been a week. One entire _bloody_ week. Seven days of nothing. Seven exact days of silence between us. She has yet to even look me in the eyes and we tend to see each other a lot during the day.

This is stupid. Sincere madness. I'm very tempted to yell and scream and stomp my feet in her general direction like some sort of child.

"I would not suggest that," Remus tells me Wednesday evening in the common room after I've proposed my idea. He's staring at me like I'm some sort of dying animal.

Sirius very much looks like he wants to put this dying animal out of it's misery. "Have you lost your _balls _or something? Have they simply left your body and relocated? Do you have female genitals now?"

Must not throw lamp.

"No, you moron," I snap. "Sorry I've fallen for a specific girl and not just for the female reproductive area."

"Touché. That was played well." Sirius leans over to give me a high five, which I respond to halfway when Remus lets out a loud sigh.

I suppose I don't hang out with the most brilliant of wizards. Though, Remus is a genius on the same level Lily is. She's pretty smart. Smart enough to blow your mind away with one straightforward, well-constructed sentence.

We troop up later to turn in for bed but I lay there for quite a while, staring hard at the bed canopy above me. I've mentioned how stupid this is, right?

Lily could probably get any guy on the planet. Seriously. She's gorgeous, she radiates confidence and she's downright sexy as hell. I haven't had a night when her flirtacous smile and her sparkling eyes and her womanly curves haven't attacked me during my dreams.

I can't get over her. I wish I could, but I just can't end this infatuation I have with Lily Paige Evans. If I use the word 'love' right now, I might have to suppress the urge to suffocate myself.

We're going to graduate together, where she'll be valedictorian and probably get into Healer school because I know that's what she wants. She'll save lives and one day we'll come upon each other, whether outside or inside the hospital (the latter very possible as I am dead set on being an Auror like my parents) and it'll be awkward and she'll probably have an engagement ring on her ring, shining brightly and mocking me in all it's glory.

I'll probably live alone, in some bachelor pad stocked up on instant-microwave muggle food and beer. I've heard it's a great drink, comparable to Firewhiskey. Sirius will spend most of time there, randomly bringing back women. I'll have no interest because the only woman on this planet that I'll ever, I repeat EVER, be interested in doesn't give a flying fuck about me. Which is the most depressing feeling, let me tell you.

I'll probably marry my rebound girl. The first real girlfriend I end up getting outside of Hogwarts.

Lily is like this huge magnet, this powerful charismatic magnet, and I'm an insubstantial piece of scrap metal. I'm attracted for life. So pathetic.

I sit up in bed, bending my knees up and resting my elbows there, my forehead coming to lean on the palms of my hands. I need to get up. I need to go somewhere where the fresh air will fill my lungs and my thoughts and stupidity can run wild.

I need to fly, that's what I really need to do.

Once I maneuver my way through our dorm, which takes quite a while given the tremendous amount of books and clothes and Zonko's products scattered on the floor, I escape into the stairwell. That was easy enough; Sirius is snoring his face off, as is Peter and I suspect Remus is lurking around the library instead of attempting sleep. He's very sneaky that way.

It's nearly eleven fifteen but I find myself not giving a damn. My feet move on their own accord, down the stairs and through the dark common room, scrambling past the Fat Lady who seems to be dead to the world.

I know for a fact Filch doesn't start patrolling until at least eleven thirty, so I'm good for another ten or so minutes. The only problem I encounter is getting out of the school. I have to be super quiet. I'm kind of surprised they don't have some sort of alarm system for whenever the front doors open. C'mon, Dumbledore. Smarten up.

The moment I have the huge oak doors closed behind me, I realize just how chilly it is outside. It's nearing the end of January and I didn't bring a jacket. Good one, James. _Good one_.

Thank heavens for the lockers room, because when I get there after trudging across the front lawn I find a couple of sweaters to throw on. Oh yeah, and I find my beautiful, wonderful, magnificent _broom_. Seriously, it's one of a kind. Except not really. It's the love of my life, other than Lily.

This is my child. I've dubbed it Emerald and I imagine I don't need to tell you why.

The sky is incredibly dark, so incredibly dark that it gives me the shivers. But my ever-pressing need to fly with the wind rustling through my hair and my many sweaters whipping around my body.. well, it overcomes the feeling of uneasiness.

I rise into the air, shaking like a leaf on my broom. I wish everybody could experience what this feels like; simply flying through the air without a care in the world, by yourself and letting your thoughts (and stupidity) wash away.

I used to do this whenever Lily turned me down in particularly nasty way. It was like my therapy session; I'd come out here bummed as hell and moody, but when I'd go back in the castle my spirits had been lifted and my determination was back.

Flying relieves my stress. This is who I am. That's really all there is to me. A horrific Lily obsession and an equally as dreadful flying obsession.

I soar over the stands, remembering countless games where it was a sea of red and gold and occasionally a naked Sirius with a sign. They're empty now though, as I gaze down at them - WOAH WAIT.

Hold on. Oh, shit. Oh no. Oh my god.

There is a figure at the end of one of the benches. There is somebody watching me fly around like a mad man at eleven something in the middle of the night.

Oh my god, this is the most embarrassing moment of my life. I try to remain calm, cool and collected. I fly closer and then I feel my stomach exit my body before it bounces off the handle of my broom and falls to the wet snow below.

It's Lily. My Lily. Oh my heavens. She's curled up and she's _watching _me. Her red hair is being blown around but she doesn't seem to care because her face is upturned towards _me_.

I go into Sauve James mode. It's instinct.

"Alright, Evans?" I call down, immediately realizing how much of an idiot I really am.

"You're going to freeze to death," I hear her answer back.

I stop flying, hovering now almost directly over top. Lily's craning her neck up to stare at me with those green freakin' eyes that I love more than my own life. "Since when did you care?"

"Since recently."

I nearly fall off my broom. It takes me several moments for my brain cells to start up again and for my limbs to move; I descend towards her, coming to a clean and very professional landing near her in the stands.

Lily stands up; I can see her green striped pajama bottoms and her sneakers that are covered in snow. She's wearing a bulky sweater underneath her cloak, along with a blanket around her shoulders. It looks suspicously like one that can be found in the common room. Little thief.

All of a sudden, quite out of the blue, I find myself directly in front of Lily. Oh my god, did I walk over to her? Wait, she came to me. She's inspecting me, probably taking in my uncontrolable shaking and my bright red nose and pink cheeks, my windblown hair and my chattering teeth and blue lips.

"You're going to get a cold," Lily tells me finally, shrugging off the blanket from her shoulders and holding it out.

"I'm fine." I stare at the blanket. "I'm robust. Really, you should go back inside. I know how you think you're cold-blooded and all.."

"Shut up," Lily swiftly murmurs, looking me in the eye intensely. It's unsettling. "For once in your life, James, shut up."

I do, I do shut up because she's breathing heavily, her fierce exhales visible in the cold night air, and her face is set. Set in what I believe is purpose.

"You.. you've changed. And I like it, which freaks me out so much becaus never in my entire life, in the entire seventeen years I've been on this planet, have I felt such a strong physical and emotional attraction to someone. Never. I know our past, I know what's happened and how I turned you down and I'm sorry."

She takes a deep breath and I'm terrified she's going to start crying. It's not that I'm one of those guys who are completely useless and knuckle-headed when girls cry in front of them.. I just can't stand the thought of Lily crying. Shedding a tear over anything.

"I tried really hard to think of something in response to what you told me a week ago. Something as.. beautiful. But I couldn't. I can't. I do know that I am falling really, really hard for you. I'm falling in love with you." She laughs in slight disbelief, averting her gaze finally and blushing as red as her hair and the tip of her nose. She seems to pause her speech, probably berating herself.

"God, what am I even doing.."

"Will you go out with me?" I blurt out, watching Lily's head shoot up.

She's thinking. Contemplating. Weighing the pros and cons. Benefits versus the downsides. She might as well be flipping a coin.

But then Lily Paige Evans is kissing me. _Really _kissing me. Kissing me softly, deeply, longingly.

Like I'm the love of her life.

My broom clatters to the stands, rolling off somewhere. With my luck it'll tumble all the way to the very first row, but Emerald can wait because I'm kissing Lily Evans and I don't plan on stopping.

Our arms wind around eachother, mine around her waist and hers around my neck. Her fingers are spearing through my hair, tugging playfully while mine stroke at her side. Her lips are so soft, moving slowly and meticulously against and with mine; Lily Evans a fantastic kisser, no doubt about it.

We pull away for air some time later, both of us trembling like mad and our lips swollen from a combination of the kissing and the cold. The blanket she had offered me before is crushed in between our bodies, but I release her from my arms and wrap it back around her shoulders.

We've both said all we have to say and it seems like Lily is quite content on simply leaning against me like I'm some sort of pole. But I love it. Merlin, I love her.

A week from today, we're both crippled with a nasty cold.


End file.
